Feel Good...Look Good

So we've gotten the scale back and I've been plateauing BIG TIME. Still at a ten pound loss, but honestly I'm happy its not the other way around. Honestly, I simply could just be trying harder and I need not to lose my motivation. With my crazy schedule, I haven't exercised in a while but I'm getting back on that. My clothes still fit better, and I've still been getting compliments & stuff but I still feel as if I'm right where I started. I've gotten a burst of inspiration a few nights ago from watching a late night show hosted by comedian and actress Mo'nique. Now Monique is a thick woman and is very confident and proud of it. Like som women who flaunt their thin-ness, she flaunts her thickness and I've always admired that about her. I'm far from being that confident and her ppersonality always made me feel proud that not every big girl out there is sad and depressed and has a hard time loving themselves. So ne-way, Monique decided to lose a few pounds for the sake of her health and her family. She has lost 40 pounds thus far and weighs about 220. She looks wonderful I might add. She didnt join any fad weight loss program, or fad diet, or have any surgeries. She simply ate better and exercised. She is still a thick girl, but she looks great, and much healthier. And as usual she looks happy...but a different kind of happy. The kind of happiness that comes from within, from being proud of yourself, from loving every ounce of your body. I want that kind of happiness. The feel good look good happiness. However, during this weight loss journey, I've realized that I have some issues buried under my weigh problem. So no matter how much I lose I will not achievve my place of happiness until I shed what has really been holding me back from enjoying life. I'm filled with insecurites and fears of simply living and there is no clear cut answer on how to make it all better. I guess I found myself on a new adjacent path. I don't only have to fix my outside but my insides need some healing as well....

My Scale Has Been Kidnapped!

So my mom lets a friend borrow the scale and now I have no proof of weather or not I've lost any weight...except for maybe the compliments, the better fit of my clothes, and that overall refreshing feeling when I wake up in the morning.

I think things are going well, and I kinda like not having a scale around. Less pressure and more room for me to breathe so to speak. A little motivation came from my best friend who is also on this weight loss journey and has lost 30 pounds so far. I'm very proud of her...and its a little push for me as well. I just gotta keep moving and exercising even as things toughen up with this new semester kicking my butt already. But newho...

This was just a short update and announcement brought to you by...

MiiSs. KERNiiDEE

Move It & Lose It

Working Out...

I often get motivated to do a workout program and I find myself sticking to it for about a week. Whether it be a membership at the gym, going out for a walk, or using one of the various exercise machines my mother has purchased in attempt to exercise as well, I start and I don't finish.

Well my older sister purchased an exercise dance DVD that is suppose to be exercising and dancing all in one. (BTW: My family is comprised of infomercial shopaholics.) I like to dance though I know I wouldn't dare try any of my moves in public so I thought it was a good idea, however like everything else I never got around to doing it.

Monday I finally popped the CD in my DVD player and to my surprise, I like it. It's actually a fun way to burn lots of calories and possibly learn to dance (lol). Today is Thursday and I've been doing the CD since Monday, now I know thats only 3 days (since I haven't dont it today YET) but I feel as if this may possibly be a workout I can stick to, and that alone gets me excited.

How much have I lost you ask?? I dunno, and I dont want to know. I feel good and I'm happy. Eating right and exercising...most importantly living life. Don't worry I'll give you and update, just not now...

Off to shake me booty!

Still Holding On

God works in amazing ways...

Well I'm still working hard on this new lifestyle I've adapted. It has certainly been a while since I've kept in touch but I haven't given up. Of course it is summer time so that means BBQ's and get together's, beaches and all that good stuff, but happily I have neither gained nor lost any weight, which is A-OK with me. Rather I have learned to balance it out amist all the events that I have had to attend/enjoy. I have even gotten myself to work out at least 30 mins a day to keep myself in shape. Although this is progress, I guess I still lacked what was necessary to change my way of thinking of myself. If you remember my first post on this blog, I was going through an anti-ME phase where I simply could not be happy with myself as I am today and that will held me back. Well..God sees right through me and He sent me a message...

"When God created human beings He created them in different sizes because he loves diversity and being bigger does not mean you are not beautiful. I need to stop seeing people and myself according to size. I am beautiful in the eyes of God. I need to stop putting myself down because I am not thin. (...Mediate on Psalm 139..)"

Well that was from my sister who out of no where just one day said she had a dream and that message was for me. It brought tears to my eyes because it was as if God saw my heart and spoke to me exactly as I needed to hear and brought up everything that was going through my head. I am famous for comparing myself to others, and putting myself down. Most of all I am famous for putting myself down because I am not a size this or that. I am going to aim for a healthy figure, and a body that I can be happy and comfortable with, but that doesn't mean I need to be a size "that girl". I simply need to be a size "ME".

Plateau & Stress

Not that I want to make excuses as to why this week wasn't as successful as I would hope, but this week was tough. I tend to run to comfort foods when things go wrong and I'm working on that, but this week has seriously taken a tool on my spirit.

I refuse to give up though, hence why I plan to try a lot harder and to make up for it this upcoming week, but...*sigh*....Things don't always go as you want it to. I just pray for strength to make it through...not only in terms of this journey, but in terms of all the things I NEED to accomplish this upcoming year but I don't see where the strength to do it will come from. Perfect definition of FAITH right there.

So no jumping up and down this week, but I am still content. I realize that not every week is going to be easy and I'll have my up's and downs, but the joy comes in making it back up again.

....Taking it easy, well trying to at least.

You Look Different ?!

I normally wouldn't think losing ten pounds would make that much of a difference, but I guess it does. I have reached my 10% mark lol. I lost 10 pounds! I am rather proud of myself I might add, yet I still recognize that I have a long way to go, a long journey that I am excited to take. I wonder what I will look like when I have reached the 50% mark.

One thing I would like to change is my control of my weekends. I normally try to give myself one day of the week where I'm not so strict with my diet, just to satisfy one or two cravings, however my free days tend to roll over from Saturday to Sunday. I dont want to end up ruining my achievements for that week in the process of trying to satisfy my mouth.

Otherwise things have been rather nice. My clothes fit a little looser and that is nice feeling to wake up to. (Not to mention the compliments are kool...im not letting it get to my head). I've been busy busy busy with school and all I can think about it sleep sleep sleep, so not thinking about food isn't that hard on the weekdays.

Making the best of this lifestyle...and its not that bad, its actually kind of refreshing :)

Be Good!

Another week has passed... another long hard week. No so much for the dieting, but just life in general which is usually how things go. I lost 5 pounds this week. Yeah I'm happy about it, but not as happy as I thought I would be. Not to say I'm thinking that oh I would've lost more or something, but I'm just not in the mood to be happy today lol. Yeah..I know I'm weird. I think I know why I'm upset today, but I really wish I wouldn't let things like that affect me, but they always do. I don't feel comfortable talking about it yet, so I'll just leave it at..."Don't let other people determine your value". That's hard to do sometimes when you are still in the process of realizing your own worth, but it just sucks...I dunno if any of this makes sense...Im just discombobulated today. Mixture of emotions...but mostly hurt...what's new.
On the brighter note, my 5lbs loss means success. I havent started exercising yet though, but I really want to. Its a matter of making the time to do it, which is never an excuse, but it sure does feel like it after a long day and all you want to do is pass out, but instead you have hw and studying to do. Speaking of hw & studying I better go get to it.
...~Praying for a brighter day~...